I was startled out of my sleep by a loud sound. It was familiar, but in the dead of night I struggled to make out it's meaning. My eyes pried open and a small blonde head came into focus.
Right, my son. The nightmares. Again. OK, get it together. He is three and you are not new to this. What time is it anyway?
I wiped away his few stray tears and scooped him up into my arms, assuring him that he was safe and loved. I could feel his body relax as he fell deep into my embrace. We sat silently, rocking slowly and slightly by the light of the numbers on the clock.
If I am awake at 3am, I should be working. Comforting children is for mommies, not lawyers. What can I possibly tell him that I have not already? Why is that not enough? Surely my arguments were sound and logical. He is safe in his bed, in his room, in our house, in our neighborhood, in our town. Mommy and Daddy always come back. Yes, Mommy and Daddy always come back. Ah yes, I am Mommy now. Why is that so hard to remember?
Unbidden, he lifted his head from my shoulder. In a whisper as soft as his years-gone newborn skin he said "Mommy, I love you." A tear ran down my cheek as I pulled him back to his safe place.
Powerful and evocative. Wow.
ReplyDeleteawwww - well said, my friend. Well said.
ReplyDeleteNicely done. While I don't have kids myself, you do a great job of conveying those tensions -- and the rewards.
ReplyDeletevery emotional. I could picture the two together, rocking away the night
ReplyDeleteI remember those nights...with such fond memories too! Of course, now with 3 kiddos, being someone other than "Mommy" is the hard part! ;)
ReplyDeleteI remember those nights too. Sometimes my boys at 7 and 8 still have them.
ReplyDeleteAnd the most frightening part is that Mommies and Daddies DON'T always come back. Mostly, we do. But sometimes, horrible things happen. So the Mom here is trying to shield her child from a nightmare with the hope that she is telling the truth, that SHE will always come back. And I hope she always does.
ReplyDeleteProbably my take sounds more cynical than I intend. It's a beautiful thing to protect your kids from nightmares. My perspective comes from having my own kids counter with "but Aunt Amye didn't come back to Kaylee" and having to explain that by the time she stopped coming back, my sister was no longer really her daughter's mother in any viable way.
Jester Queen, you are spot on correct. If you read my newer post "In The Beginning," it adds that layer to this story. I am generally telling one story in scattered bits. I am ultra-aware that either parent might never come back for any number of reasons. But I think it is natural to shield him at 3, plus he already has to deal with a dialed mother and a very prominently scarred one, so he handles more than most kids his age already. Just by way of explanation. Your comment is very true.
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